"She decided to start living the life she imagined. She believed she could, so she did. She replaced her fear of the unknown with curiosity. She looked around, and life was pretty amazing." Kobi Yamada

I think I remember having big hopes and exciting dreams. 

Everyone has dreams and plans and "what if"s, right?

That Attitude! That Hair!
This girl had dreams!! And super cool glasses!

Lately I'm having a very hard time remembering what my dreams and goals were. I feel stagnant. I don't think this is a new thing, a recent blank spot in my memory, or a sudden missing piece. I think my dreams and plans been slowly dissipating, scattering in fear, and going into hiding for years as I've trucked along in cruise control, taking the path of least resistance. Where did all the dreams go? A life without these dreams and plans and goals feels like a room without fresh air. Can you survive in that room? Sure, for awhile. Can you thrive? I don't think so.  I don't know what has changed recently, but right now this feels important, urgent, a critical exploration to discovering... something. It's time to do some soul searching.

I feel like I'm making steps in the right direction. I'm writing again and this has been an awesome start to my self exploration. I'm running a lot which helps keep my mind and body functioning on a happy, healthy plane. I'm in therapy with a really great Art Therapist who is helping me work through the questions and challenges. Being sober helps too. A lot of minutes and hours have been wasted in my life recently working my way through a bottle of wine on the couch every night. Ending up slightly sloshed every evening has a way of shutting down that inner voice challenging you to cultivate your dreams and reach for the stars... Can I do that whilst sitting on the couch with a glass of wine? No? Then no thank you and good night. Not to say that many a dream and plan and adventure haven't been thought up over hilarious and fun drinks with friends and family (Baywatch Gorillas anyone?), but unfortunately this hasn't been the norm lately.

I'm ready to come up with more brilliant ideas like this!!

Not having alcohol in my life has definitely challenged me to fill my time with other pursuits. Reading, crafting, running, spending time with James and friends all have helped round out the days with lots of love and positive thinking. 

Foxy Coffee Cozy Craft!

I'm craving the fullfillment of dreams and hopes and "what-if"s. I want to go out into this crazy awesome world without fear. I want to be curious. I want to explore what might be possible in all of my wildest imagination. It's a journey that I gave up on at some point and I'm fully ready to gather all my tools and set out again with joy and an adventurous spirit.

Until then,
katykatxo