100 Days

Well, I did it. 100 days of sobriety. I'm proud of the accomplishment and I am so glad I took the time to do this... but what now? What do you do to celebrate something like this? Do you have a glass of wine to celebrate being sober? Do you pretend like it's just another day and go on?

I've been working through these thoughts for the past 100 days... in therapy they say don't worry too much about what happens at the end... "you'll just know...". But now it's the end, and hand on heart, I don't know what to do!

If I'm honest with myself I can admit that I am scared. What if I choose to drink again and I can't control it. I'm afraid that I may not be a person capable of having "just one". I get that it's probably hard for some people to understand the struggle this is for me... it makes me sad that it is a struggle. But the truth is, it was and has always been a hard thing to deal with, to overcome and conquer. It was a battle that I was not winning. For those who maybe don't understand it I can best describe the feeling as this... I can see my first glass of wine or beer in front of me, maybe I'm half way through it. It's cold and it's delicious and I'm enjoying that glass of wine. I'm also enjoying the scene around me, the people, the event, the conversation... but the voice in my head is already thinking, planning, worrying about my next glass of wine and the one after that and the one after that, and I still have a mostly full glass sitting in front of me! It's truly distressing and heartbreaking for me to remember feeling like this. I think this memory is the reason I'm afraid.  I'd like to think I was able to break this habit in the last 100 days and that I can work toward making new habits, maybe habits that do involve "just one"... but I do know I don't want to be where I was before I started this experiment, and if it means I need to remain sober... well, I'm willing to do that.

I don't this this is a decision that I can make lightly, nor do I think it needs to be, or can be made now. I think I'll have to feel it out and see where the next step will take me... I'm mustering the courage to take the next step, it kind of feels like a big one.

On a positive and more celebratory end to day 100 I can say this... I have truly enjoyed 100 days of sobriety. It has been the best decision for me in 100 different ways. I feel like I have reached out and taken my life back. I sleep like a rock, I laugh more quickly and easily, I make decisions with a clear head, I have seriously saved hundreds of dollars, lost a few pounds, and have opened the door to the rest of my life. I've seen without doubt that I am surrounded by supportive and loving people, friends and family who want the very best for me and support every decision I make. I never once experienced judgment or negativity and I felt truly supported and loved through this journey. So thank you. Thank you for the encouragement and the love... thank you for drinking tea and "mocktails" with me... thank you for drinking a beer in front of me and making it all seem completely and utterly normal... thank you for remembering day 21... and day 50... and day 75... and day 99. I am so grateful for the people in my life and I'm even more grateful that they will without fail be there for me whatever the next 100 days looks like. It's a great life and I'm so excited for what lies ahead.

until then,
katykatxo

 Myrtle Beach

Welp, more than three weeks later and I'm finally recovered from the Half-Marathon in Myrtle Beach! Actually, I recovered pretty quick but I finally have the chance to write about it!!

Jes and I had been talking about doing this race for at least three years... we picked it mostly based on the very cool finisher medals. We both agreed that this was a great reason to fly across the entire country to run 13.1 miles!

So we started training... sort of. Jes started training, I sort of ran a few miles here and there...

Gorgeous Little Park Run

We are so happy to be running!! :)

This was taken right before we ventured on to...
The Trail of Death
Misleading, no?

I went into this race feeling unprepared but it was going to be my third half, so I knew what to expect... and heck, the sea level elevation had to count for something, right? WRONG! But first...

So we traveled across the country for oh, FOREVER...

Grand Junction to Salt Lake City to Atlanta to Charleston
LONG DAY!

And finally arrived in Myrtle Beach to this!

The nicest hotel with a GORGEOUS view!
We saw dolphins!

We were up bright and early (5am East Coast Time... 3am Mtn.!!!), strapped on our running outfits and then went to stand at the start line in the rain for 1 1/2 hours! And extra 30-60 minutes of sleep would have been amazing, as would a dry pair of socks!!

Note to Self: Run races on the West Coast... your body doesn't like to run at 3am!

Waiting...

Race #27 for Jes this year!!

Rainy start!

Great Energy at the Starting Line!

And then we ran...

And ran...

And ran...

And at mile 5 I started some blisters.

And at mile 6... and 7... and 8... and 9... and 10-13 those blisters got worse. I've never had blisters like this in my life! I wasn't wearing new shoes or socks... so my best guess is my feet got wet while we were waiting in the rain for the start. And it was miserable! Add the blisters to my unpreparedness and the extra 10-15 pounds I'm carrying since the last half I ran and I was highly discouraged by my results. I had a rough few hours feeling sorry for myself and then...

 I got over it. Because damn-it, I just finished a freakin' half-marathon with one of my very best friends.

cool medal, right??
(photo by Jes)

And I got to recover like this...

Not bad at all...

Feeling better already...

And see things like this...

Really old gravestones

A spooky cemetery

A very cool little southern town on a river.

It was a GREAT trip! I had a blast with Jes. I got to visit a new city. I ate amazing southern food.

I ran 13.1 miles.

I had FUN!!

And really... I made a bunch of choices that led to running a not so great race... but I finished. And I'll go into the next training period with a different perspective and probably still make some iffy choices, but I'll run another race and I'll be proud to finish that one too.

But it probably won't be on the East Coast. And I'll definitely bring a dry pair of socks!

Thank you Jes for a super fun trip. Can't wait for the next race with you!!

until then,

katykatxo

Anyway... this is for my brother.

Some Sampson pictures...

Gus and Sampson are rarely very far away from each other.

Besties!

He loves to cuddle late at night.

I can tell he's feeling at home... he likes to explore the top of the counters after dinner and bring out any dirty dishes that might have been left out. He's just helping, right? He's eating really well, it's didn't take him very long to learn to dive right in and wolf down his food before someone else gets it.  It helps that we sprinkle a little turkey into it and soak the dry food with some chicken broth... but we aren't spoiling him, promise!! ;)

He's discovered a special spot up at the Little Gunni Loop where we run... He and Gus have single-handedly eradicated all the tiny critters who used to live here.

Buried up to his shoulders, flinging dirt in 10 ft. arches. 

Small critters are fleeing for their lives!

The Broncos are playing the Chiefs this weekend... James and I have a serious bet going... (How did I end up married to a Chief Fan??)

GO BRONCOS!!

The Broncos are currently still ranked higher, but they have to hold it together and play some defense to beat those stupid Chiefs! You won't be undefeated after this weekend Chiefs!

We miss you Danny! There are a lot of people here in Grand Junction (and elsewhere!!) sending you their well wishes and praying for you and your guys... Let me know if you need anything, the first care package is on it's way this week! 

until then,

katykatxo

Long Overdue...

When I wrote in my last post about how time flies I had no idea how true that would be over the weeks to come. I have a backlog of posts in my head and heart and a lofty goal to write them all down! But first, a new weekly post that I plan to do every week...

(Ummm, I don't actually have a name for the post yet... Any ideas??)

Anyway... this is for my brother.

(Actually... I like that as a post title...)

So this is my brother Danny...

They're so handsome!

He came to visit a few weeks ago and brought along his furry four-legged friend Sampson. Since then Danny made the long journey to Afghanistan to serve our country in his job with the United State Marine Corp and has trusted us to take care of his buddy Sampson while he is deployed. I promised Danny before he left that I would do a weekly blog post for him in the hopes that he can access a computer every once in a while and get a little update on home and family and his puppy. So here it goes!

furry dog-blanket anyone?

Things are great in Colorado! November finally brought some colder weather, but the days have been absolutely gorgeous. It snowed for the first time last night but unfortunately for Sampson, it didn't last. He loves the cooler weather so far and usually hates coming inside. But he's always up for a snuggle before James or I go to bed...

He's such a sweet boy and has been a joy to have around!

they love to "help" cook!

what's for dinner?

Sampson is settling right into Casa de Schreaston (That's Easton and Schreiner combined for those who are confused...) and has become BFFs with Gus (that's Best Friends 4-Eva for those who are still confused...). They play like mad all day long, sleep outside under the stars together, and generally shed enough hair together to knit a medium sized sweater every week.

We take the dogs hiking and running almost every day. Sampson hasn't quite graduated to "off-leash" yet, but my hopes are high that he can run free with Gus and Millie some day! Mom and I say all the time how good he is on the leash (WAY better than his cousins...) so keeping him with us has worked out great!

happy mom and happy dogs

It's been a hard few days knowing Danny is off to a dangerous country on a mission to serve us here at home. It leaves me feeling a little sick inside, a little unworthy, and more aware than ever before of the lives that have been sacrificed for the freedom of our country... but I also know with all of my heart that this is what my youngest brother has been preparing to do for the past 10 years. He's worked so hard, has trained for so long, and has made many sacrifices to achieve everything he has. It makes all of his family and friends so very proud to see his accomplishments and know that his hard work has paid off. I know we all believe this hard work and dedication will serve him well as he flies his helicopter overseas. We entrust Danny and his safety to God every single day. I can't wait to have him home and hear about this journey.

Danny, I hope you know how proud we are of you. You are a good man, a loyal friend, and a great pilot. Take care of yourself over there... Love you!








until next time,
katykatxo