100 Days

Well, I did it. 100 days of sobriety. I'm proud of the accomplishment and I am so glad I took the time to do this... but what now? What do you do to celebrate something like this? Do you have a glass of wine to celebrate being sober? Do you pretend like it's just another day and go on?

I've been working through these thoughts for the past 100 days... in therapy they say don't worry too much about what happens at the end... "you'll just know...". But now it's the end, and hand on heart, I don't know what to do!

If I'm honest with myself I can admit that I am scared. What if I choose to drink again and I can't control it. I'm afraid that I may not be a person capable of having "just one". I get that it's probably hard for some people to understand the struggle this is for me... it makes me sad that it is a struggle. But the truth is, it was and has always been a hard thing to deal with, to overcome and conquer. It was a battle that I was not winning. For those who maybe don't understand it I can best describe the feeling as this... I can see my first glass of wine or beer in front of me, maybe I'm half way through it. It's cold and it's delicious and I'm enjoying that glass of wine. I'm also enjoying the scene around me, the people, the event, the conversation... but the voice in my head is already thinking, planning, worrying about my next glass of wine and the one after that and the one after that, and I still have a mostly full glass sitting in front of me! It's truly distressing and heartbreaking for me to remember feeling like this. I think this memory is the reason I'm afraid.  I'd like to think I was able to break this habit in the last 100 days and that I can work toward making new habits, maybe habits that do involve "just one"... but I do know I don't want to be where I was before I started this experiment, and if it means I need to remain sober... well, I'm willing to do that.

I don't this this is a decision that I can make lightly, nor do I think it needs to be, or can be made now. I think I'll have to feel it out and see where the next step will take me... I'm mustering the courage to take the next step, it kind of feels like a big one.

On a positive and more celebratory end to day 100 I can say this... I have truly enjoyed 100 days of sobriety. It has been the best decision for me in 100 different ways. I feel like I have reached out and taken my life back. I sleep like a rock, I laugh more quickly and easily, I make decisions with a clear head, I have seriously saved hundreds of dollars, lost a few pounds, and have opened the door to the rest of my life. I've seen without doubt that I am surrounded by supportive and loving people, friends and family who want the very best for me and support every decision I make. I never once experienced judgment or negativity and I felt truly supported and loved through this journey. So thank you. Thank you for the encouragement and the love... thank you for drinking tea and "mocktails" with me... thank you for drinking a beer in front of me and making it all seem completely and utterly normal... thank you for remembering day 21... and day 50... and day 75... and day 99. I am so grateful for the people in my life and I'm even more grateful that they will without fail be there for me whatever the next 100 days looks like. It's a great life and I'm so excited for what lies ahead.

until then,
katykatxo

 Myrtle Beach

Welp, more than three weeks later and I'm finally recovered from the Half-Marathon in Myrtle Beach! Actually, I recovered pretty quick but I finally have the chance to write about it!!

Jes and I had been talking about doing this race for at least three years... we picked it mostly based on the very cool finisher medals. We both agreed that this was a great reason to fly across the entire country to run 13.1 miles!

So we started training... sort of. Jes started training, I sort of ran a few miles here and there...

Gorgeous Little Park Run

We are so happy to be running!! :)

This was taken right before we ventured on to...
The Trail of Death
Misleading, no?

I went into this race feeling unprepared but it was going to be my third half, so I knew what to expect... and heck, the sea level elevation had to count for something, right? WRONG! But first...

So we traveled across the country for oh, FOREVER...

Grand Junction to Salt Lake City to Atlanta to Charleston
LONG DAY!

And finally arrived in Myrtle Beach to this!

The nicest hotel with a GORGEOUS view!
We saw dolphins!

We were up bright and early (5am East Coast Time... 3am Mtn.!!!), strapped on our running outfits and then went to stand at the start line in the rain for 1 1/2 hours! And extra 30-60 minutes of sleep would have been amazing, as would a dry pair of socks!!

Note to Self: Run races on the West Coast... your body doesn't like to run at 3am!

Waiting...

Race #27 for Jes this year!!

Rainy start!

Great Energy at the Starting Line!

And then we ran...

And ran...

And ran...

And at mile 5 I started some blisters.

And at mile 6... and 7... and 8... and 9... and 10-13 those blisters got worse. I've never had blisters like this in my life! I wasn't wearing new shoes or socks... so my best guess is my feet got wet while we were waiting in the rain for the start. And it was miserable! Add the blisters to my unpreparedness and the extra 10-15 pounds I'm carrying since the last half I ran and I was highly discouraged by my results. I had a rough few hours feeling sorry for myself and then...

 I got over it. Because damn-it, I just finished a freakin' half-marathon with one of my very best friends.

cool medal, right??
(photo by Jes)

And I got to recover like this...

Not bad at all...

Feeling better already...

And see things like this...

Really old gravestones

A spooky cemetery

A very cool little southern town on a river.

It was a GREAT trip! I had a blast with Jes. I got to visit a new city. I ate amazing southern food.

I ran 13.1 miles.

I had FUN!!

And really... I made a bunch of choices that led to running a not so great race... but I finished. And I'll go into the next training period with a different perspective and probably still make some iffy choices, but I'll run another race and I'll be proud to finish that one too.

But it probably won't be on the East Coast. And I'll definitely bring a dry pair of socks!

Thank you Jes for a super fun trip. Can't wait for the next race with you!!

until then,

katykatxo

Anyway... this is for my brother.

Some Sampson pictures...

Gus and Sampson are rarely very far away from each other.

Besties!

He loves to cuddle late at night.

I can tell he's feeling at home... he likes to explore the top of the counters after dinner and bring out any dirty dishes that might have been left out. He's just helping, right? He's eating really well, it's didn't take him very long to learn to dive right in and wolf down his food before someone else gets it.  It helps that we sprinkle a little turkey into it and soak the dry food with some chicken broth... but we aren't spoiling him, promise!! ;)

He's discovered a special spot up at the Little Gunni Loop where we run... He and Gus have single-handedly eradicated all the tiny critters who used to live here.

Buried up to his shoulders, flinging dirt in 10 ft. arches. 

Small critters are fleeing for their lives!

The Broncos are playing the Chiefs this weekend... James and I have a serious bet going... (How did I end up married to a Chief Fan??)

GO BRONCOS!!

The Broncos are currently still ranked higher, but they have to hold it together and play some defense to beat those stupid Chiefs! You won't be undefeated after this weekend Chiefs!

We miss you Danny! There are a lot of people here in Grand Junction (and elsewhere!!) sending you their well wishes and praying for you and your guys... Let me know if you need anything, the first care package is on it's way this week! 

until then,

katykatxo

Long Overdue...

When I wrote in my last post about how time flies I had no idea how true that would be over the weeks to come. I have a backlog of posts in my head and heart and a lofty goal to write them all down! But first, a new weekly post that I plan to do every week...

(Ummm, I don't actually have a name for the post yet... Any ideas??)

Anyway... this is for my brother.

(Actually... I like that as a post title...)

So this is my brother Danny...

They're so handsome!

He came to visit a few weeks ago and brought along his furry four-legged friend Sampson. Since then Danny made the long journey to Afghanistan to serve our country in his job with the United State Marine Corp and has trusted us to take care of his buddy Sampson while he is deployed. I promised Danny before he left that I would do a weekly blog post for him in the hopes that he can access a computer every once in a while and get a little update on home and family and his puppy. So here it goes!

furry dog-blanket anyone?

Things are great in Colorado! November finally brought some colder weather, but the days have been absolutely gorgeous. It snowed for the first time last night but unfortunately for Sampson, it didn't last. He loves the cooler weather so far and usually hates coming inside. But he's always up for a snuggle before James or I go to bed...

He's such a sweet boy and has been a joy to have around!

they love to "help" cook!

what's for dinner?

Sampson is settling right into Casa de Schreaston (That's Easton and Schreiner combined for those who are confused...) and has become BFFs with Gus (that's Best Friends 4-Eva for those who are still confused...). They play like mad all day long, sleep outside under the stars together, and generally shed enough hair together to knit a medium sized sweater every week.

We take the dogs hiking and running almost every day. Sampson hasn't quite graduated to "off-leash" yet, but my hopes are high that he can run free with Gus and Millie some day! Mom and I say all the time how good he is on the leash (WAY better than his cousins...) so keeping him with us has worked out great!

happy mom and happy dogs

It's been a hard few days knowing Danny is off to a dangerous country on a mission to serve us here at home. It leaves me feeling a little sick inside, a little unworthy, and more aware than ever before of the lives that have been sacrificed for the freedom of our country... but I also know with all of my heart that this is what my youngest brother has been preparing to do for the past 10 years. He's worked so hard, has trained for so long, and has made many sacrifices to achieve everything he has. It makes all of his family and friends so very proud to see his accomplishments and know that his hard work has paid off. I know we all believe this hard work and dedication will serve him well as he flies his helicopter overseas. We entrust Danny and his safety to God every single day. I can't wait to have him home and hear about this journey.

Danny, I hope you know how proud we are of you. You are a good man, a loyal friend, and a great pilot. Take care of yourself over there... Love you!








until next time,
katykatxo

Maybe some of the best times??
With more of the best times to follow??

Seasons of Change

As the temperatures drop along with the autumn leaves I find myself hunkering down into a state of calm and reflection. While Summer is so much about going fast and playing hard and "doing" so much, Fall seems to be more about preparing and fortifying for what is to come... (I really want to throw in a Game of Thrones reference but I will resist!).

This has truly been a season of reflection and gratitude for me so far. I reached the fifty day mark in my sober journey last Sunday and I'm so proud of myself. I knew this journey and goal was possible, but I really wasn't sure what it was going to be like, how it would feel, and if I would change through the process. I have a lot of work to do still and though I'm technically halfway, I feel like it's really only just beginning. At this fifty day mark the "shine" is off a bit. While I am so very proud of myself, the smug feeling of accomplishment has faded, leaving what I imagine is a very realistic and common feeling of "now what?". Where even two weeks ago I was focused on saying no to a drink because "no" meant I could cross off another day on my sober calendar, now that "no" has something standing behind it. Now it's more about the why and less about the why-not?... I want to be mindful about all of the decisions in my life, but this one in particular right now.

Having a drink had become such a habit for me, an action that had very little, if any conscious thought behind it. I really want to think about why I'm choosing to say yes or no. The thought that keeps popping up for me is, "would a drink make this occasion better?" I honestly think there are times an adult beverage does add to the moment, but where I was 50+ days ago this was not how I was making the decision... it was all just a mindless habit.

* Side Note Book Talk - I've been reading "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg and it's really been an interesting exploration of why we form habits and how we change them... I'm not finished with the book yet but I'm excited to see how it might help me understand this better.

I really have enjoyed going to dinners, hanging out with friends, celebrating amazing things and people, all while completely sober. It's been a heartening and proud realization for me to understand that I can be fun and relaxed and funny without drinking. Admittedly, there have been times when I really did think a drink would add to the event or occasion (new beer release at The Rockslide, Birthday Celebrations with my Grandparents, finishing a long run, etc.), but sobriety certainly, without doubt, did not take away from these experiences. I can honestly say that I would choose a lifetime of sobriety over ever going back to where I was just a few short weeks ago. Being sober has lifted a dark and heavy blanket from my soul, giving me the strength and hope to work through the things that were really dragging me down. It's a journey that I understand will take longer than 100 days, but I really feel like the seasons are changing and I can't wait to see what's ahead.

Until then,
katykatxo

Time Flies...

The days race into weeks, the weeks speed by into months, and before you know it seasons have passed and the things you once were simply planning for have come and gone. On one hand this makes me sad, but the other hand is so full of the good things that have happened lately I realize I need that sad hand to get over it and help me carry it all! It's been an amazing couple of weeks with lots to celebrate and enjoy.

I've realized quickly that I really need to be taking more pictures in order to make this blog a truly fun and enjoyable one! Luckily in two weeks time I will be taking a photography class followed by a Photoshop class and I hope I can challenge myself to take and publish more current photos... this post about all the great things would definitely be more fun if I had pictures of all the events!

Last weekend my youngest brother Danny and his dog Sampson drove to Colorado from California to spend a week with us. Sampson will be staying in Colorado as Danny gets ready to deploy in the near future. It's been SO fun to have them both living with us! I had pretty much left the house by the time Danny was 12 or 13, so I never really had the chance to live with him as peers like I did my brother Scott. I've loved having him close even for a short while. Sampson has so far fit right in with our dogs... Gus is in heaven having a crazy friend to play with all day. Millie is... adjusting.





Happy Dogs
Sampson, Gus, and Millie



Once Danny and Sampson arrived we got a few hours of sleep and then packed up and headed over to Ft. Collins to celebrate my Grandparent's 80th birthdays. Here is where I really wish I had taken some pictures, it was so great to celebrate these two amazing people together with lots family. We had almost all the family there but we missed our Pennsylvania cousins so much! It was a really special night with lots of stories and laughs. I hit my 50 days of sobriety on Sunday and though I really wanted to enjoy a glass of wine with the amazing lobster boil we had, I enjoyed the evening so much even without it. James and I were lucky to spend one night with my brother Scott and sister-in-law Carrie which equaled extra time with them. Then we hopped right back in the car and cruised home listening to a very interesting and tense Broncos game on the radio. All told this was only a 24 hour trip, but packed full of great moments and memories.

James took this fantastic photo in Vail.

 

Since we got back we've been working with the dogs and trying to get Sampson settled in with the pack. I think it's going to go really well, I'm excited to have Sampson as part of our family for a few months!

 

 

I also finished a fun craft project at home. I was going to try and take step by step photos, but again, not so good at taking pictures very frequently. So basically I ordered a 4'x2' 24-gauge paintable metal panel cut to fit a random popout over my kitchen counter. The metal panel is pretty lightweight, but not so thin that it would be too flexible. I painted it with four coats of aerosol chalkboard paint... look a picture!

I then marked out a 7x6 grid of 3"x3" squares and used a paint marker to create a permanent calendar grid on the top of the metal panel that I can modify each month. I added Sunday - Saturday initials using a paint marker at the top, sweet talked James into helping me screw it to the wall, and voila! A magnetic chalkboard in my kitchen! The chalkboard pens that are available now make it really fun and easy to use and decorate. I'm really happy with the results...



 

 

So it's really been a crazy past week... I'm looking forward to slowing down a little bit this weekend and spending time with James celebrating our one year anniversary. It's hard to believe a year ago I was getting ready to marry my best friend! Time flies when you're having fun!

 

until then,

katykatxo

Kate's Favorites*

(*Subject To Change)

Wow. I was all ready to do a Friday post before the weekend and then here we are at Wednesday already!! And October is here too!! Where does the time go?

It's been a busy last few days. As my dad would say, I'm running an intergalactic doggie daycare lately! We are preparing to welcome a third dog into our family for the next eight or nine months when my youngest brother brings his husky Sampson to us this weekend! Danny is deploying next month and Sampson is coming from Southern California to enjoy a Colorado winter. We are really hoping all the dogs get along and that life continues on mostly as usual even with an extra beast around! I'm really trying to enjoy some quality time with my furbabies before the new kid arrives. We also had Gus' girlfriend Merra with us last weekend, and man, that is a circus! Gus and Merra stay revved at 100% the entire time they are together. They have so much fun together and they are EXHAUSTED when Merra goes home...

Sweet Mera

Gus loves having his girlfriend Mera around! She is a sweetheart, but snores louder than any human I've ever met! I feel bad for my husband when I'm elbowing him at night thinking it's him snoring, but finding out it's actually Merra!

Handsome Sampson - Can't wait to have him here

I think having Sampson around will be good for Gus and Millie too, even if it means making some changes around the house to make it all work! I think he will LOVE going snowshoeing this winter.

How about some favorites from the week?

1. Finished this fun craft!

2. Ordered the materials for something like this magnetic chalkboard calendar! I will put up my step-by-step DIY next week! *I did finish my version and I LOVE it! I will post some pictures and instructions later!

3.  My new laptop!! Yay for a machine that doesn't groan and buzz and overheat!

4.  My awesome and amazing grandparents... The whole family (minus some cousins :(...) will be gathering together in Ft. Collins this weekend to celebrate their 80th birthdays... Can't wait!

5. This guy... we are celebrating our first anniversary next weekend. Can't believe it's been a year!

Have an awesome rest of the week!

Until then,

katykatxo